


Bandages

by Red17



Series: Rue Amell [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M, before redcliffe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-06-01
Packaged: 2018-02-03 01:55:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1726856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red17/pseuds/Red17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alistair and F!Amell have some time away from camp. Set before Redcliffe and the romance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bandages

Sitting by a brook in the moonlight, Rue thought of the tower, where there were pillows and blankets and the odds of sleeping on rock were slightly less.

So long as you don’t step out of line she reminded herself. She felt the guilt spike again, a dizzy sort of chill which started in her forehead and trickled to her stomach. Her vision blurred from tiredness and her hand stung, this is penance. You lied. You tricked Jowan and played their game this is what you deserve. She didn’t like to remember that, what she’d done to keep her own bed and make her comfortable quarters a little more comfortable.

It was easier by far to focus on her wounded hand which had bled through the last two dressings but left the latest bandage clean. Only a light dusting of dirt and its frayed edges gave away its age. The quietest times were the hardest. When the camp was still standing after dinner, when they hadn’t been swooped down upon by wolves or darkspawn or bandits, she became angry. It bubbled up, boiled over and became a small, manageable forest fire or something frozen and brittle, something breakable underfoot.

How dare they, How dare I, it had been three weeks and the questions were now routine. Tonight, exhaustion took its toll. Her legs heavy from walking, her back sore from carrying a staff and a sword just in case an enemy came too close.(That had been Alistair’s idea, Morrigan had disagreed of course muttering that a truly indispensable mage would not need it. ) She didn’t ask the questions and slowly dipped her bare feet into the cold water.

At the camp, Alistair looked for her. He feigned knocking on her tent then asked Leliana where she had gone. Her concentration on the camp fire was broken so suddenly, it took her a moment to regain the composure typical of a chantry sister.

“She went that way,” she said, pointing in Rue’s direction “but I think she wanted to be alone.”

“Well that’s nothing new,” he replied. His joke was met with a cursory smile almost as forced as his attempt at humour.

He had spent the whole evening fidgeting, scrubbing armour that was already shining and throwing sticks for a thoroughly unamused mabari. She would have to know soon. She had to know who his father was. The “it never came up” excuse was the best he had and would no longer be viable in Redcliffe. She was the first person he had told, everyone else simply knew. He didn’t know how to phrase it, how to start that conversation. Ideally, he would say “I’m bastard,” she would say “Whose bastard?” He would say “Maric’s” and she would say “that’s fine it’ll never come up again, nothing will ever come of it.” She would say “Thanks for telling me Alistair, you’re a real pal.” Then maybe she would smile.

It will just take a couple moments of bravery and honesty and the birth right that has loomed over you your entire life will never trouble you again. He thought more than a little resentfully. He quietly called for Rue and shoved the branches away as they slapped his face, his armoured boots snapping the ones that had already fallen.

“Over here,” she whispered before coughing loudly, hacking up the last remnants of the cold she had had since Tuesday. There was not a stealthier pair in all of Thedas.

He settled next to her and swept a twig from his hair.

“I needed to talk to you about Redcliffe.” He said haltingly.

“We’re a day away aren’t we? I can’t have read the maps wrong.”

“No there’s something I should maybe mention,” he said, shifting slightly. This is going to be uncomfortable no matter how you sit. He reminded himself Just tell her. She was inspecting her hand and giving him the distraction he desperately wanted.

“When did that happen?” He asked nodding to her hand.

“I honestly have no idea. I noticed it sometime yesterday. I think. I’m not sure. I know I used your bandages but all the days muddle through now,” her voice was as heavy as her eyelids. He wondered why she wouldn’t just sleep in this state. Dreaming of the Archdemon did not make for a restful night and the whispers of the darkspawn were the most unpleasant kind of lullaby. Maybe it was worse for Mages, maybe darkspawn worked with demons in the fade to keep her this tired. It’d be difficult to fight a horde while yawning.

“Do you mind if I have a look at it?” Once the bandage was removed, she turned her palm upwards and moved closer to him. He took her hand gently with both of his and squinted at it in the moonlight, it was cut diagonally from the base of her little finger to her thumb. An image of her grabbing a darkspawn blade flashed briefly before his eyes though he was sure that hadn’t actually happened, the cut was nowhere near deep enough. It had been a long day for both of them.

“Maybe when we get to Redcliffe we’ll get proper beds with mattresses and all those unnecessary pillows that the nobles seem to have,”

“I forgot that we’re dealing with nobility,” she sighed

“Does that change anything? They’re just like us really, but with better accommodation and they probably hang around with fewer apostates,” He smiled at her but she stared out at the water and the ripples she made with her toes. His smile faded and he cleared his throat. He searched in his pocket for a fresher bandage

“It’s difficult you know,” she said at last, still not looking at him “to know my place outside of the tower.”

“Do you miss it?” He tried to watch for her reaction, to understand where she was going with this, he wanted to be helpful. Since Ostagar she had always made the right decisions, helped the right people, said the right thing to comfort him, she was polite when necessary and intimidating when it was possible. Her face changed, her feet stopped moving and he could feel her scowl.

“No. Not for a moment. It was a cage and I shouldn’t,” her voice gathered speed and intensity as she spoke, she almost spat the words. Very suddenly she had become coiled, ready to spring. “I’m better-” she cut herself off on seeing Alistair’s confused and concerned expression.

“I won’t give them the satisfaction.” she finished, her voice was unnaturally level, carefully measured but still strained. He dabbed at the dried blood on her hand.

“I missed the Chantry at first,” he started. “I hated it there. I can’t even say that I missed the people, that I made life-long friends. I liked the training but that was about it.” Her amber eyes searched his pleadingly, encouraging him to finish what he was saying, telling him yes, this is the path to go down, keep walking, stay on it, do not take that right, do not make this joke.

“It was a relief to go. The idea of being lyrium-addled didn’t really do anything for me,” She was listening intently and it startled him. Was this how she knew what to say to him? Did he make that face when he spoke about Duncan? He imagined it was more pathetic. She was entreating him, he was sure he had begged her. 

“Of course, the outfits were stylish. I suppose that’s what you really miss about the circle. Tell me, do you keep you apprentice hat under your pillow?”

Her reply was a hollow laugh and he knew he had veered off course.

“I think that however much you hate a place, eventually it has to become home. That’s how you survive there.”

Rue became tense again. That tower wasn’t her home. Her home was a paved courtyard with ambitious ivy climbing the walls. Home was somewhere a lot warmer than here.

“So it makes sense that you miss it. It doesn’t make it right, any of the bad that happened,”

“It doesn’t mean forgiving them,” she interrupted but looked at him for approval. He nodded, smiled and tucked the end of the bandage into itself.

“There, one inexplicably injured hand, cleaned and bandaged.”

“Thank you,” she smiled, with warmth this time.

He inspected her hand again.

“I must say I did a good job,”

“You are the finest healer I’ve met this side of Lothering.”

“We left Lothering four hours ago.”

“I stand by what I said,”  
“We’ve only seen wolves since. Oh you’re a sweetheart,” he ran his thumb along the edge of the bandage.

“I try,” she said as she put great effort into grinning “nonchalantly” and thinking up a way to make him call her sweetheart again. He’s holding my hand.

Neither of them particularly wanted to let go and neither dared to move for fear of startling the other but both were ready to leap apart and sprint back to camp should the other withdraw first. 

Now would be the time to tell her. To ruin the lovely stalemate. He tried to gather his courage but it didn’t seem worthwhile. They’d have time tomorrow while they travelled. He could announce it to the group, make it impersonal, a formality.

He let go of her hand and she turned back to the brook. She stood up, shaking her cold feet over the water. Rustling sounds came from the trees as Alistair began the short walk back to camp. It would have been so easy to settle into this, to rest her head on his shoulder, he was so much warmer than the thin blankets they had picked up in Lothering. Having found her boots and on the brink of following Rue turned around and collided with him. He hastily muttered an apology and she waved her hand dismissively and yawned.

“I just came back to say, I’m here if you need me.”

“For bad news and witty one liners?”

“Right. Although there is more to me than that.”

She smirked and raised an eyebrow. He looked away from her.

“I meant that we’re in a tough spot but…we’re a good team.” He let his hand rest on the back of his neck as he

“Good enough to end the blight?”

“Well, let’s be reasonable.”

They walked back to camp and decided on tomorrow. He’d definitely tell her tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> Any feedback is appreciated!


End file.
